


Soak Them In

by Brumeier



Series: Bite Sized Fic 2018 [47]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Healing, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Prompt Fill, Team as Family, Writing on Skin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: LJ Comment Fic for Reading & Writing prompt:MCU, any m/m or f/f or ot3, writing on the bodyIn which Steve and the Avengers find a way to help Bucky love himself again.





	Soak Them In

It started with one word written in black sharpie marker on the back of Bucky’s hand: _friend_.

He’d been having one of his manic episodes, pacing a hole in the floor and shaking his head repeatedly as he informed Steve that he wasn’t worthy of the second chance everyone seemed to want him to have. 

“I’m a killer, Steve. A weapon. I don’t know how to be anything else. I can’t be anything else.”

Steve had plucked the marker out of the mug on the desk, captured Bucky’s hand on his next pass in front of the couch, and wrote that word on it. It had stopped Bucky in his tracks, derailed the speeding train of self-loathing just before it hit the wall.

“You can be this,” Steve said. “Because that’s what you’ve always been to me.”

After that first time it became something of a regular ritual for Steve to write on Bucky’s skin, though he exchanged the marker for Jagua ink, a natural stain similar to Henna that lasted about as long.

“What kind of person am I? I can’t even remember my own mother’s name. I can…I can see her face, almost hear her voice. I think I really loved her.”

_Winifred._

“What if I hurt you again? You think I don’t remember what happened on that helicarrier? What’s to stop me from losing my shit and beating the life out of you?”

_Trust._

“I can’t…I can’t…it’s too much.”

_Safe._

Each word seemed to soak into Bucky’s skin; even after the dye had faded away he knew exactly what word had been placed where. And with each new word the noise in his head subsided just a little.

None of Steve’s teammates commented on the words, many of which were plainly visible on his hand or his neck, though it was obvious that Stark was holding himself back with Herculean effort. Their consideration was nothing short of astounding, especially since they knew what he’d done, what he was capable of. 

And then one day Natasha asked if she could add a word, which she carefully wrote on Bucky’s arm in Cyrillic. _Strong_. “Because it takes strength to do what you’ve done, to break away and reclaim your life.”

That opened the doorway for the other Avengers, each one approaching Bucky at one point or another to ask if it would be okay to write something on his skin. He’d been apprehensive, afraid of what they might say but also afraid of telling them no.

Thor wrote _worthy_. “You are a fine sparring partner, my friend!”

Clint wrote _funny_. “You’re pretty hilarious when you want to be. You should do that more.”

Sam wrote _human_. “I know you think you’re a monster, man, but you’re really not.”

Bruce wrote _intelligent_. “If you’d like, I can teach you. Anything you want. Steve said you used to really be into science.”

Tony wrote _family_. “You’re one of us now,” he said with a shrug, like it was inevitable.

Bucky soaked every word in and tried to let himself believe them. He talked to the counselor Sam had found, who had experience dealing with wartime trauma and mental manipulation and let himself grieve for every life he’d touched when he was the Winter Soldier.

He tried to fit both halves of his life into a new whole.

“You seem happier,” Steve noted. “More settled.”

“I think I’m doing okay,” Bucky replied honestly. 

“That’s really great, Buck. Really. May I?”

Bucky nodded, and Steve brought out the ink. He had Bucky take off his shirt and wrote, in delicate, swooping letters, _love_. Right over Bucky’s heart.

“Maybe you can’t feel this for yourself, not yet. But I feel it enough for the both of us.”

They shared their first kiss in seven decades, and Bucky cried, and Steve cried with him, and he felt that word burn into his skin, a brand he hoped never went away. Maybe he wasn’t quite worthy of it yet, but he really wanted to be.

After Steve went to bed, Bucky crept out to the common room. He found one of the permanent black markers and uncapped it. For the first time he wrote his own word, this one in tiny letters on the inside of his metal wrist. _Good._

“I think you are, now,” he whispered to himself. “I think you are.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **AN:** More Bucky feels. It was going to just be Steve doing all the writing, but I love me some team feels too, so it seemed right to have Bucky’s new family get their chance too.


End file.
